So, go on..

Live like you're not even alive.

Live as if God wasn't real, that His love doesn't exist.

Live as if the weight of the world was yours to bear. That everything in your world isn't worth the pain.

I dare you. Cause that's what you get when you live out of your own being.

Live like that, and your life wouldn't be worth living.

Keep doing that and your life's always going to be a mess. Curse, complain and whine about your situations and circumstances, because that's all you see, that's all you experience and everything about it just leaves you weak and helpless. And I know full well that emotions and feelings are kicking in at full speed as you struggle with your problems and issues, but even those, aren't good enough reasons to resent your life.

Words not just for others, but for me too.

I've been back in places and areas of my heart that I don't want to remember or revisit. And I've been questioning why I would have to keep going back to my places of weakness over and over and over again. I went back once in September last year, I am back there again in February, this year.

Oh the frustration that's been piling :(

But then I pull the breaks, stop, pause and remember, that I wasn't called to live like this. I wasn't purposed nor placed here, only to be dissatisfied and adverse toward the life given me. Sure, as Christians, we are called to be in, but not of the world. That means to hate the world, but that doesn't mean to hate the life given and gifted to you.

Life in itself is a gift. I would have no life at all, had God not chose me. And I have to learn to acknowledge this in the midst of being blinded, tempted, tried and attacked, as well as leading others who are too. Leading my girls though my life is filled with the same inadequacy is a challenge I took up years ago when I first started leading. And now I stand to struggle with that same issue, but I'm not intending to be defeated.

At this point, I know what my girls mean when they say, "Nat, you don't understand. Every single day, something goes wrong in my life. Not in a small way, a big way. That doesn't happen to you." Because now I can tell them I do, I understand. The past 2 weeks were really rough, in so many ways, both in and out of the office. I really don't want to remember, but I think I'll have to.

The other thought tied to all that I've been talking about was this:

Why do we live such careless lives?

It's one thing to dislike or resent life, but it's another to take it away from, you. Like you have the right. Stubbornness and pride tell you that you do, but what if you just bothered to take time to remember that someone else bestowed this gift of life to you? He even died just to gift it to you. He went to the cross for you. And this is what you so carelessly proclaim with your mouth? That you just want to give up and, die?

Please don't get me wrong. I've just been in places of conviction, strong ones, and I felt I needed to share it. Not just with you, but with myself too.

So, go on. Live.